How I got to where I am...

I thought I'd give a little of my weight history so everyone knows how I got here. I was always kind of a chunk when I was a little kid. I didn't like sports at all (still don't!) and I looooooved TV. (Still do!) I also lived for candy and junk food. Which is weird, because we were not allowed to eat crappy food in our house. We went to McDonald's maybe 5 times the whole time we were growing up. (By we, I mean my little brother, Matt and I.) I remember the most exciting thing about getting my driver's license was that I could go to Macky Don Don's and Taco Bell whenever the eff I wanted and no one could say a thing about it. So I think that's where things got kind of out of hand.

In high school, I was probably the fattest girl in my class but I really didn't care because I had a ton of friends and I wasn't so fat that I couldn't wear cute clothes and fit in. When I was 18, I moved out of my parents' house in Moxee and moved in with my BFF Rachel in Kent. (Seattle area.) Rach and I made mac and cheese just about every night...what else did we know how to cook? I remember that she got a personal trainer after a break up with a boyfriend and she was looking hotter and hotter all the time. Think that would light a fire under my ass? Hellz no! I just kept eating and eating.

After living with Rach for about a year or so, I moved out into my own apartment. One day, I was sitting there watching TV as usual and I got this sudden urge to run. Like on Forrest Gump....I wanted to RUN! So I found some shoes and hit the pavement. OMG, it felt so horrible and so good all at the same time! I thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest, I felt my lungs fill to beyond capacity and my legs felt like jello and were about to fall off. Something happened that day though and I kept at it every day. Then fall came and it was raining all the time. I couldn't stop this momentum! So I joined my very first gym: 24 Hour Fitness in Kent. I got the bare bones membership but I didn't care. I was a gym girl now! I had the clothes and the new pink iPod to prove it.

In December of 2004, I got a job at Trendwest as a reservations girl. Meaning, I sat on my ass all day talking on the phone. Everyone there said they gained 20 pounds when they first started that job. That was NOT gonna happen to me. I could not afford 20 pounds. Yuck. So I started eating healthier and keeping track of every last thing I ate. Turns out, one of the side effects of eating healthy and going to the gym is weight loss. Holy buckets, my pants were falling off! My shirts looked like parachutes! Even my underwear didn't fit! What is this newfound life? Oh man, I felt GREAT! And I looked better than ever before.

I was on the phone with my mom one night complaining that none of my clothes fit and I was too poor to buy any. She made me a deal that if I got down one more size, she'd buy me a whole new wardrobe. DEAL! So I did it, and she did it and I looked HOT!

At the time, I was eating 1200 calories a day so I thought "hmmm...what would happen if I ate 800? or 500?" Pretty soon I was eating only 200 calories a day. I knew it was wrong but I was so proud of myself. I loved the feeling of being hungry...it meant I was winning. After about 6 weeks of 200 calorie eating, I went nuts. I ate everything in sight: burritos, cheeseburgers, 2 boxes of mac and cheese, buttery popcorn....everything! And I had quit the gym.

That went on for about 2 months. Next thing I knew, I had wicked stomach pains and had to go to the ER. Turns out I had gallstones and they were so bad that I needed my gallbladder removed. After my surgery, I had to reintroduce foods to my system because I no longer had any bile to help me digest anything. I got sick of eating slowly, and just started going crazy again.

Then in 2006, I moved back to Yakima. Health-wise, that was about the worst thing I could do. I was drinking every night. And not just a little, I was drinking anything and everything that had alcohol in it. And what happens when you drink? You make bad decisions. Specifically, bad food decisions. Since I spent the entire year completely wasted, I also spent it eating a ton of ice cream and crunch wrap supremes from Taco Bell. Mmmm...so healthy!

I got tired of being drunk all the time after about a year and got really lonely and bored. So I kept eating and eating. I did join the gym in Terrace Heights but I would go every day for 2 weeks straight, then not go for 3 months, then go every day again. Vicious cycle. And the financial aspect didn't matter...it was part of my benefits package at work. (Thanks Dr. E!!)

In July of 2008, I met the love of my life Anthony. Now for those of you who know him, you know he likes to eat. And he likes to eat gooooood! He loves rich foods, good foods, bad foods, you name it. So I joined in with all this eating that he was doing. I thought I deserved it after so many years of being lonely and unhappy...I deserved a reward for finally finding the one! The difference between Amunz and me is that he carries his weight really well. It's all in his belly and his belly stays the same size no matter what. Me on the other hand...I gained 40 pounds just in this last year. Actually, it was more like 5 months. Ugh!

That brings me to now. I know I can do this. I feel like I was given the wrong body. I was meant to be skinny. I love fashion way too much to be a fat girl. I'm at the point where I can't even wear my fave heels anymore because my weight puts too much pressure on my feet and they end up hurting SO BAD. You know you're a cow when even your shoes don't fit anymore!

So here I am, and here's my blog. And now you know a whoooole ton of stuff about me. :)